I've heard Houston has just two seasons - summer and January. Makes sense. Still, if you look closer, the city actually has four distinct seasons, each with its own personality. Sure, they don't match your standard image of the seasons, but they do exist. I'd describe the personalities like this:
Summer the Barbarian
Holy %$#!!!! Brutal, relentless, oppressive. Talk about anger issues. He's like Yosemite Sam - just more competent and pumped with steroids. Equipped with a bottomless bag of humidity and a club of heat, he beats down any inkling you have of venturing outside. Every once in a while, he whips up a hurricane just to make things interesting. When this guy comes to town, grab the wife and kids and hide in the cellar. Wait....crap....we have no cellars.
Fall the Player
Smooth and cool, this guy floats in with a wink and a point. His light touch and cheesy grin cause women to erupt in fawning giggles. Actually guys too. I know - it's embarrassing! Nobody can get enough of the guy. Careful - he's unreliable. At least at first. After a few days in town, he slips out without a word, leaving everyone depressed. He even leaves the gate wide open when he goes, letting the Barbarian back in. Yet when he returns, all is forgiven. No matter how many times he repeats the inconsiderate pattern. It's shameful. But no one cares as long as he comes back.
Winter the Plain
without all the drama of Superman. Mild mannered and calm. Seems nice enough,
but every once in a while shows flashes
of a cold, dark side. But just when you start wondering how many bodies he has
in the trunk of his car, he lightens up, offers a warmer smile and you feel
silly for letting your imagination wander. Regardless of your suspicions,
seeing weather elsewhere makes you appreciate this vanilla character.
Spring the Beauty (who makes bad choices)
She is one super lady. She's kind. She pretties up the place with wildflowers and bluebonnets. She's a breath of fresh air. She's so perfect you want her around forever... but the longer she stays, the more you sense something just ain't right. Then you find out. That's right - she's dating Summer the Barbarian! You warn her that he's no good, but it's too late - she's in love. You see them together more and more. He starts to dominate everything they do. Her flowers wilt, the air gets heavier. You tell her to leave him - "What about Fall? You two would make a great couple," you insist. It's no good, she can't escape. Finally, she just disappears. Rumor has it that the Barbarian ate her.